May 2012
27 posts
4 tags
sleep
Ayaan wakes me up at some unholy hour.
“What do you want, Ayaan?”
”I am going to wake up bhai and aapi so we can eat cereal together” (his brother and sister)
”Okay”
[in hindsight, I shouldn’t have said okay]
As soon as I fall asleep, he wakes me up again.
”What?”
”Sorry for waking you up”
”It’s okay, what do you need?”
”Nothing. I wanted to tell you something”
”Okay, tell me”...
3 tags
killing
[From Feb 2010]
We just came back from the Disney World. After the Buzz Light-year ride, my not-yet-three year old yelled (in a crowded room I might add): “That was fun, I like killing”.
30 or so people turned around to look at my embarrassed face (no really, I don’t teach him that stuff).
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lying
[From Feb 2010]
My not-yet-three year old wanted something the 6 year old had. The 6-year-old went: “I’ll share with you. But you’ll have to give it back to me”. “Okay”, he replied.
A few minutes later he comes in with a grin: “it’s all gone”. “Where did it go”, I asked. “I put it in the potty and flushed it”. He has been doing it a lot, so I put him on a timeout where he spent a few...
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pony ride
Before becoming parents who ever thinks they’d happily stand in line for 40-freaking-five minutes for a 60 second pony ride? Well if it shuts them up for a minute or so …
3 tags
toilet
Hmm…
Before I became a parent I never thought I’d put my hand in the toilet to retrieve whatever was thrown in there, without thinking twice about it. I guess I know why soap was invented.
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...because I said so
“Because I said so” is a perfectly valid reason. Do it because I would like you to do it! Because I swear to God, if I have to explain one more thing I am going to jump out the I window, head first of course. I want it done. Just do it. Because I want it.
Oh forget it, I’ll do it myself.
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spanking
Before I was a parent, I never, ever, thought there would be moments I would have to struggle not to spank a child. I mean, what kind of monster wants to hit a 3 year old? Apparently the monster who has to live with the said 3 year old.
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When you were a man
Hamza, to me: “When you were still a man…”
Me, horrified: “Wait, what do you mean ‘still a man’?”
Hamza: “You know, when you were a grownup”
Shew! For a second I thought he did not think of me as a man.
Wait, what does he mean when I was a grownup? What am I now?
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pilates
[From December 2009]
Ayaan, the two-year-old, comes up saying “I want to do pilates”. I am thinking ‘what?’ The 7-year old yells out “come, I’ll help”. She sets up the Wii, brings out the Wii-fit board, pops in some DVD and they all start doing yoga and pilates.
I still don’t know what pilates actually is, but apparently they do it regularly.
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86c for a car wash?
Back in December 2009, Ayaan (he was 2) passed by a gas station. He gives out a big huff of air and yells out in utter shock and disbelief: “argh, it’s 86c for car wash?”
Gas costs around that much per litre in Canada. Now gas is almost twice that.
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race
**[From December 2009]** Someone knocks at the door
Hamza (yelling): “There’s someone at the door. He has white skin”.
Safiya: “Hamza, you dont say that!”
At this point I am thinking good, at least the 7 year old has some sense. But then I heard this:
Safiya: “You say light brown skin”
Hamza (still screaming): “There is a light brown guy at the door”
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canada
**[From December 2009]**
Safiya: How old is Canada?
Me: About 150 years old.
Safiya: Wow, that is so old. That is a very long time ago! One-hundred-and-fifty-years! Were you there when they discovered Canada?
Me: No.
Safiya: Oh, so only grandma was there?
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four
[From December 2009]
We pass by four motorcycles. Ayaan informs me: “look, four motorcycles.”
Like any other father, I come home all proud that my two year old can count. I take him to the kitchen in front of THREE cups and ask him to count. He goes: “one, two, four”. I tell him, “No, it’s one, two, three”. “No, it’s four”, he replies.
Determined, I put five cups. “Count now”. “One,...
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3, 2, 1 ... GO!
[From December 2009]
Ayaan’s (partially) potty trained (he’s 2.5 yrs old). When he is about to, umm, urinate, he yells out “3, 2, 1 … GOOOO” followed by an assurance “it’s coming”. Good to know he has that part mastered. Now only if I can get him to do “number 2” that successfully …
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swimming pee
**[From December 2009]**
Ayaan: I have to go to the bathroom
Me: Oh. Lets get out, quick
Ayaan: It’s okay, I am done now
Me: Done what?
Ayaan: I did already, I don’t have to go anymore
Me: Kids, we are going to the other pool now. Fast.
2 tags
sleep
My kids sleep at 7:30. Yet sometimes they seem really tired during the day and I noticed dark circle around my eyes.
Yesterday I asked Hamza (age: 6) to wake me up when he wakes up so we could put together the bionical we had bought the day earlier. That guy comes to my room and wakes me up at 2:30am! I send him back. Around 5 he comes again, at which point he has already woken up his sister...
what's worse?
Having to clean poo from your favourite rug or having to go hunting around the house for poop because your 2 year old decided to change himself after the accident.
And I am not sorry for putting the image in your head.
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punching & kicking
[From November 2009]
Saw Ayaan punching his sister.
Me: “Ayaan, what are you doing?”
I was hoping it was enough to indicate that I was watching, therefore he should stop.
Ayaan: “I am punching her cuz she turned the Wii off”
At this point, he kicks her. So much for me “watching”.
What the heck did my parents do to make me so terrified of them?????
Update: I am transferring...
April 2012
30 posts
3 tags
It's gone now
[From November 2008]
Ayaan comes home with a small motorcycle.
Me: Ayaan, may I see it please?
Ayaan, looking around: You can see that car over there
Me: I want to see the motorcycle, I will give it back to you.
At this point Ayaan walks up to the couch, lifts the cushion, slides the motorcycle underneath, shows me his hands and says:
Ayaan: It’s gone now.
It’s official. My 2 year old...
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I am broken
**[From November 2009]** The conversation happened after Ayaan came back from his play-group thing.
Me: Ayaan, what did you do?
Ayaan: I ching a chong (translation: I sang a song)
Me: What song did you sing?
Ayaan: A. B. Chee. Tee.
Me: Can you sing it to me please?
Ayaan: No, I am poken (broken)
Me: Awww, how did you break?
Ayaan: I pell op the pike (I fell off the bike)
Me: Oh no, what happened
Ayaan: And I pleeded (bled)
Me: Oh no, how did you bleed?
Ayaan: I was triving (driving) at it and I pell op (fell off) and I pleeded (bled)
Me: How did you fall down?
Ayaan: Because I pell down
Me: Awww, how did you fall?
Ayaan: Because I was triving at it and I pell op and I pleeded.
Me: But how did you fall?
Ayaan (frustrated tone): Because I WAS TRIVING AT IT AN I PELL OP AND I PLEEDED AND I AM POKEN (broken)
Me: But….
Ayaan: "I am not talking". And he walks away.
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poop
[From October 2009]
Ayaan is partially potty trained.
“BABAAAAAAAAAA – Ayaan made a mess”
I run up and see - how shall I put it - poop, literally, all around the kitchen floor (as he walked, it dropped).
I pick the boy up, rush to the bathroom with him and he drops some more. Okay, take his pants off, wash his skinny legs full of, well, you know what, dress up him and come back to clean...
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six
[From October 21st, 2009]
Hamza turned six.
At night he comes to me, lifts his arm all the way up and says“I always had to do this to reach the light switch”.
At this time he puts his arm down to just above his head and says: “…but today I had to do this. I was so confused. And then I remembered I turned six today.”
Right.
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punch
**[From October 2009]**
Me: “Ayaan, leave the cat alone” (Ayaan is 2.5 yrs old)
Ayaan: “I want to hug him”
Me: “Dont, he’s sleeping”
Ayaan: “BUT I WANT TO HUG HIM”
Me: “He will wake up, leave him please.
Ayaan walks up to me, climbs on the coffee table and punches my face. Real punch, with a fist.
Me, in a stern voice: “Ayaan, what did you do?”
Ayaan: “I punched you!”
Me: “Why did you punch your father”
Ayaan: “Because you said not to hug the cat”
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hamids are cute
**[From October 2009]**
Hamza: “Baba, why am I so cute?”
Baba: “Cuz you’re a Hamid”
Hamza: “Ya, and aapi (Safiya) and Ayaan are cute”
Baba: “They are Hamids too”
Hamza: “And you are cute”
Baba; Ya, I am a Hamid”
Hamza: “But Mama is only half-cute”
Baba: “Why is that?”
Hamza: “Cuz she’s a Duran”
”Mama” did not find the conversation nearly as amusing as I did.
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too old
**[From October 2009]**
Safiya: “I know why you forget things so much”
Me: “Why?”
Safiya: “Cuz as you get older, your brain gets old and your memory gets bad”
Me: “Uh, I guess that makes sense”
Safiya: “Wait, so Ayaan must have the best memory” (Ayaan is 2)
Me: “I suppose he does”
Safiya: “And daadi (grandma) probably never remembers anything since she’s so old” (she’s not even 55 yet)
Me: “Well, she remembers some stuff”
Safiya: “Baba”
Me: “Yes?”
Safiya: “Did they have TV when you were a kid?”
Me: “I don’t know, I guess my memory isn’t good enough to remember”
Safiya, looking at her brother: “We’ll have to start remembering things for him”
Hamza nods in agreement: “Soon he won’t remember anything at all”
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killing cat
**[From October 2009]**
Ayaan: “Baba, can we go to the store and get another cat?”
Me: ”Why? You don’t like Sushi and Spice?”
Ayaan: ”I do like him” (everything is “him”)
Me: ”We already have two cats. We wont get more"
So he looks at Sushi. He looks at Spice. He looks at Sushi. He looks at Spice. He walks up and approaches Spice saying “Okay, I will kill him. Then can we get another cat?”
What? He's not even three yet!
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mocha milk
[From October 2009] I am expecting adult company tonight. Yes, grown-up friend coming over. What a concept.
In my excitement, I accidentally grab mocha instead of hot chocolate to make “chocolate milk” for kids. I do remember thinking “wow, hot chocolate never smelled this good”. The 2 year old even asked for a second cup. “Sure, of course”, I was only happy to oblige.
@$#@#$@#$@$@#$@.
Now...
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if i had any hair left, i'd certainly lose it
[True story, from October 2009]
So I am cleaning the kitchen and decided to clean the fridge out when I thought (argh, stupidly) that it may be a good idea to send kids to brush their teeth. They were barely gone for 5 minutes when I went up to check. What do I see? A puddle of water flowing out of the bathroom (and we have hardwood in the hallway upstairs). Ayaan’s sitting on the counter...
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basement
**[From October 2009]**
Ayaan: “Can I come to the basement?”
Me: “No, I am working”
Ayaan: “Okay, I am coming”
Me: “No Ayaan, don’t come”
Ayaan: “Then fine, I am coming”
Me: “I said, no”
Ayaan: “Actually fine, I will come”
Comes to my office and climbs on my lap.
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I gave it to me
**[From September 2009]** We were visiting someone when Ayaan (2.5 yrs old) came downstairs with a toy car.
Me: “Ayaan, where did you get it from?”
Ayaan: “It’s mine”
Me: “It’s not yours”
Ayaan: “It’s mine”
Me: “Who gave it to you?”
Ayaan: “I gave it to me”
Can’t argue with that logic.
4 tags
it's mine
**[From September 2009]** So Ayaan (2.5 years old) comes to the garage riding a small car. He doesn’t have a small car.
Me: “Woh, what’s this?”
Ayaan: “It’s a car”
Me: “I know. But whose is it?”
Ayaan: “it’s mine”
Me: “No it’s not. That bike next to that crying kid is yours”
Ayaan: “No it’s not. That’s his bike. This is mine”
Me: "Why is he crying?"
Ayaan: "Because he doesn't like his bike, he wants my car"
Me: "Your car?"
Ayaan: "It's mine"
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chuchi
**[From September 2009]** I have a cat named Sushi.
Ayaan: “Look at Chuchi”
Me, imitating him: “Look at Chuchi”?
Ayaan, launghing: “It’s not Chuchi. It’s Chuchi”
Me: “It’s Chuchi?”
Ayaan: “No, it’s Chuchi”
Me: “Sushi?”
Ayaan: “Yaaa. It’s Chuchi. Not Chuchi. Chuchi!”
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mama did it
[From September 2009] I am changing Ayaan’s unusually stinky diaper.
Me: “Why didn’t you use the toilet? Why did you go in your diapers?”
Ayaan: “Noooo I didn’tttt. Mama did”
Me: “Mama did what? You did potty in your diapers”
Ayaan: “Mama did. I did noooot”
Me: “Mama did this?” I pointed to, well, you know what
Ayaan: “Yaaaa”
Does he really think I buy this? Why does he lie like that?
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ham-cha
**[From September 2009]**
So I tuck the kids into bed and am making myself tea when I hear footsteps.
Me: “Who is coming down? You are in deep trouble”
Footsteps paused.
Me: “Who is it?”
Ayaan: “This is Ham-chcha”
I hear footsteps upstairs
Hamza: “noooo, it’s not me. It is Ayaan”
Ayaan: “No, I am Ham-cha”
Me: “Whoever you are, go back to bed right now”
Pause
Ayaan: “I am thirsty. I want water”
Me: “Go drink it upstairs”
Pause
Ayaan: “I have to tell you something”
Me: what?
Ayaan: I was sleeping and Hamcha went down the stairs and woke me up
Hamza, protesting: I am in my room!
Ayaan: I heard you say Hamcha.
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lying
**[Conversation from September 2009]**
Me: “Did you hit your brother?”
Ayaan: “Noooo I didnnntttt”
Me (in a very stern voice): “Are you lying?”
Ayaan: “No, I am nooooot”
Me, giving him the stare of death known to vaporize people instantly: “DID. YOU. HIT. YOUR. BROTHER?”
Ayaan: “Yes, I did”
Me: “Why did you lie to me?”
Ayaan, calmly: “I did noootttt”
Me: “Why did you say you did not hit him”
Ayaan, in the same calm tone: “I did nooottt say thatttt”
The boy lies so convincingly, I started to doubt myself. He has a promising future in the Conservative Party of Canada.
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dont want to love you
**[Conversation from September 2009]**
Me: “I love you Ayaan” (Ayaan is 2.5 years old)
Ayaan: “No”
Me: “I really do love you”
Ayaan: “I don’t love you”
Me: “huh?””
Ayaan: “I don’t want to love you”
Me: “But I really, really love you”
Ayaan: “I am not talking”
Me: “Ayaan!”
Ayaan: “I said, I am not talking", and he walks away!
Ah, all those sacrifices, costs, sleepless nights … and this is what I get in return!
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list of things better than babysitting 7 kids
There’s no quicker way of putting fear of God into your heart than babysitting 7 kids. Naturally I started thinking of things that were more appealing than babysitting 7 kids :-
Walking into a burning building suddenly seems very appealing (fortunately none of the buildings were on fire)
You start contemplating eating that rat poison with peanut butter and bread
Your desire to live...
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Naked again
Me: For the love of popsicles, why are you naked again?
Ayaan: All my clothes are my favourites, and I don't want to make my favourite clothes dirty.
The boy has a peculiar sense of fashion.
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air show
[True story from September 2009]
Someone gave me two tickets to the air show (thank you, once again!) So I did what any father would do, I took my two boys and left the house to turn it into a Hamid-family-male-bonding-day. The only problem was that the other two Hamids are 5 and 2!
First we got stuck at the traffic forever. Yes yes, should’ve taken the train. I got it now. Then, we spent...