Why My Hair Dont Grow No More
- Ayaan (age 5) with his hand inside [i]my[/i] pocket: hey, I found your phone
- Me: Err, it wasn't lost
- Ayaan: It was to me. And now I found it.
- Safiya (age 10): Ayaan, don't be stupid
- Ayaan (age 5): You call me stupid??? Go timeout!
- Safiya: Where?
- Ayaan: In the Garage!
- Safiya: How long?
- Ayaan: Stay in the garage. Don't come out. Not even when you get married. Not even when you have kids!
- Safiya: But how will I get married if I live in the garage and never come out
- Ayaan: You can marry the garbage man
Back in 2010, 6 year old and 3 year old were fighting with a sword. 3 year old yelled out: “Wait, pause, Dark Gator (Darth Vader) has to go peepee.”
That’s Nature: 1; Vader: 0.
Kids had friends over. One of their friends, grade 3’er, yelled “fine, suit yourself”. Ayaan, my 3 year old yelled back: “Nooo! YOU shoot yourself”.
This is an irreplaceable ancient artifact from 35,000 years ago!
Of course if I had it, my 3 year old would call it “the bad guy” and it’d battle Spiderman, superman and ironman until it shattered into pieces (during which it’d have to put up with several attempts to be flushed down the toilet).
Either they didn’t have 3 year olds 35,000 years ago or they just sent their 3 year olds out to chase mammoths around. That would also explain why mammoths went extinct.
How did this sweet face break my dining table, scratch the hardwood all over the place, destroyed my TV, slashed his own bike tires, gave me stress zits and destroyed all my hair?
[From March 2010]
So long, my 52” LCD TV.
I went to Washington DC for a week. I got back tired and hungry. After putting Ayaan to bed as I walked towards the kitchen to get food what do I notice? A huge scratch on the TV, that’s what. On close inspection I could see several small dents. It seems like someone repeatedly hit the TV with something.
When Hamza cracked my previous TV, he did it in one shot. So at least I know it wasn’t him. He didn’t need multiple hits. Safiya is 8. It’d be really sad if she did it. I don’t think it was my cats either. That leaves Ayaan, the three year old.
I asked him and he replied “it was a bad guy who did it with his sword”. That’s when I took out my stare of death that I inherited from my mother. “Okay, it was an accident”. What? Accident? How do you accidentally hit the TV screen REPEATEDLY????
That’s the second LCD cracked in Hamid household in three years. I am going ol’ school with tube TVs :(
April 2012 Update:- 2+ years later, the TV is still going. The power supply died and had to be replaced, but the screen still works. And I almost don’t see the scratch anymore.
Ayaan wakes me up at some unholy hour.
“What do you want, Ayaan?” ”I am going to wake up bhai and aapi so we can eat cereal together” (his brother and sister) ”Okay” [in hindsight, I shouldn’t have said okay]
As soon as I fall asleep, he wakes me up again.
”What?” ”Sorry for waking you up” ”It’s okay, what do you need?” ”Nothing. I wanted to tell you something” ”Okay, tell me” ”Sorry for waking you up”
And he walks away.
Tomorrow night around midnight I’ll wake him up to apologize for waking him up.
[From Feb 2010] We just came back from the Disney World. After the Buzz Light-year ride, my not-yet-three year old yelled (in a crowded room I might add): “That was fun, I like killing”.
30 or so people turned around to look at my embarrassed face (no really, I don’t teach him that stuff).
[From Feb 2010]
My not-yet-three year old wanted something the 6 year old had. The 6-year-old went: “I’ll share with you. But you’ll have to give it back to me”. “Okay”, he replied.
A few minutes later he comes in with a grin: “it’s all gone”. “Where did it go”, I asked. “I put it in the potty and flushed it”. He has been doing it a lot, so I put him on a timeout where he spent a few minutes. But when I checked, there was nothing in the toilet. Worse, a couple of hours later I found Ayaan (the not-yet-3 year old) playing with it.
It turned out that he lied about flushing it down so he wouldn’t have to give it back to his brother. Not only that, but he actually accepted punishment for an act that he did not do, repeating “It’s gone now” every time I asked where it was.
Don’t worry, I’ve already sent his application for the Conservative Party of Canada. He has a promising career in Harper’s cabinet.
I used to smile like that. Now I just have zits. Picture of Ayaan from some time in 2007, from when we were in Virginia.
[From December 2009]
Ayaan, the two-year-old, comes up saying “I want to do pilates”. I am thinking ‘what?’ The 7-year old yells out “come, I’ll help”. She sets up the Wii, brings out the Wii-fit board, pops in some DVD and they all start doing yoga and pilates.
I still don’t know what pilates actually is, but apparently they do it regularly.
Back in December 2009, Ayaan (he was 2) passed by a gas station. He gives out a big huff of air and yells out in utter shock and disbelief: “argh, it’s 86c for car wash?”
Gas costs around that much per litre in Canada. Now gas is almost twice that.
