Why My Hair Dont Grow No More
- Safiya points at the cat.
- Safiya: “Oh wait, I can’t point at proper nouns. Sorry”
- Hamza: “What’s a proper noun”
- Safiya: “Uh, like, for example … you are a proper noun”
- Hamza yells out in a highly offended voice: “She is calling me a proper noun”
- **[From March 2010]**
- Hamza: “S in my class has a really bad handwriting"
- Safiya: Oh ya?
- Hamza: He told us all a secret today
- Safiya: What is it?
- Hamza: He said he can write really well. He just chooses not to
- Safiya: What? That’s so cool
- Hamza: Ya, it’s a miracle
- Safiya: Total miracle
- Safiya (not yet 8): “I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up”
- Me: “What do you mean”
- Safiya: “I mean, I don’t know if I want to be a scientist, or a tattoo artist, or a belly dancer”
- Yes, I can totally see how they are all related. Totally.
Ayaan wakes me up at some unholy hour.
“What do you want, Ayaan?” ”I am going to wake up bhai and aapi so we can eat cereal together” (his brother and sister) ”Okay” [in hindsight, I shouldn’t have said okay]
As soon as I fall asleep, he wakes me up again.
”What?” ”Sorry for waking you up” ”It’s okay, what do you need?” ”Nothing. I wanted to tell you something” ”Okay, tell me” ”Sorry for waking you up”
And he walks away.
Tomorrow night around midnight I’ll wake him up to apologize for waking him up.
- Hamza, to me: “When you were still a man…”
- Me, horrified: “Wait, what do you mean ‘still a man’?”
- Hamza: “You know, when you were a grownup”
- Shew! For a second I thought he did not think of me as a man.
- Wait, what does he mean when I was a grownup? What am I now?
- **[From December 2009]** Someone knocks at the door
- Hamza (yelling): “There’s someone at the door. He has white skin”.
- Safiya: “Hamza, you dont say that!”
- At this point I am thinking good, at least the 7 year old has some sense. But then I heard this:
- Safiya: “You say light brown skin”
- Hamza (still screaming): “There is a light brown guy at the door”
- **[From December 2009]**
- Safiya: How old is Canada?
- Me: About 150 years old.
- Safiya: Wow, that is so old. That is a very long time ago! One-hundred-and-fifty-years! Were you there when they discovered Canada?
- Me: No.
- Safiya: Oh, so only grandma was there?
- **[From December 2009]**
- Ayaan: I have to go to the bathroom
- Me: Oh. Lets get out, quick
- Ayaan: It’s okay, I am done now
- Me: Done what?
- Ayaan: I did already, I don’t have to go anymore
- Me: Kids, we are going to the other pool now. Fast.
[From November 2009]
Saw Ayaan punching his sister.
Me: “Ayaan, what are you doing?”
I was hoping it was enough to indicate that I was watching, therefore he should stop.
Ayaan: “I am punching her cuz she turned the Wii off”
At this point, he kicks her. So much for me “watching”.
What the heck did my parents do to make me so terrified of them?????
Update: I am transferring these posts in 2012. Man, has this boy matured. Honestly, back in 2009 and 2010 I didn’t think this boy would let me live until 2012.
[From November 2008]
Ayaan comes home with a small motorcycle.
Me: Ayaan, may I see it please? Ayaan, looking around: You can see that car over there Me: I want to see the motorcycle, I will give it back to you.
At this point Ayaan walks up to the couch, lifts the cushion, slides the motorcycle underneath, shows me his hands and says: Ayaan: It’s gone now.
It’s official. My 2 year old thinks I am a moron.
I wonder if the fact that I played around and acted all shocked that he made the motorcycle disappeared right before my eyes had something to do with it.
- **[From November 2009]** The conversation happened after Ayaan came back from his play-group thing.
- Me: Ayaan, what did you do?
- Ayaan: I ching a chong (translation: I sang a song)
- Me: What song did you sing?
- Ayaan: A. B. Chee. Tee.
- Me: Can you sing it to me please?
- Ayaan: No, I am poken (broken)
- Me: Awww, how did you break?
- Ayaan: I pell op the pike (I fell off the bike)
- Me: Oh no, what happened
- Ayaan: And I pleeded (bled)
- Me: Oh no, how did you bleed?
- Ayaan: I was triving (driving) at it and I pell op (fell off) and I pleeded (bled)
- Me: How did you fall down?
- Ayaan: Because I pell down
- Me: Awww, how did you fall?
- Ayaan: Because I was triving at it and I pell op and I pleeded.
- Me: But how did you fall?
- Ayaan (frustrated tone): Because I WAS TRIVING AT IT AN I PELL OP AND I PLEEDED AND I AM POKEN (broken)
- Me: But….
- Ayaan: "I am not talking". And he walks away.
[From October 21st, 2009]
Hamza turned six.
At night he comes to me, lifts his arm all the way up and says“I always had to do this to reach the light switch”.
At this time he puts his arm down to just above his head and says: “…but today I had to do this. I was so confused. And then I remembered I turned six today.”
Right.
- **[From October 2009]**
- Me: “Ayaan, leave the cat alone” (Ayaan is 2.5 yrs old)
- Ayaan: “I want to hug him”
- Me: “Dont, he’s sleeping”
- Ayaan: “BUT I WANT TO HUG HIM”
- Me: “He will wake up, leave him please.
- Ayaan walks up to me, climbs on the coffee table and punches my face. Real punch, with a fist.
- Me, in a stern voice: “Ayaan, what did you do?”
- Ayaan: “I punched you!”
- Me: “Why did you punch your father”
- Ayaan: “Because you said not to hug the cat”
- **[From October 2009]**
- Hamza: “Baba, why am I so cute?”
- Baba: “Cuz you’re a Hamid”
- Hamza: “Ya, and aapi (Safiya) and Ayaan are cute”
- Baba: “They are Hamids too”
- Hamza: “And you are cute”
- Baba; Ya, I am a Hamid”
- Hamza: “But Mama is only half-cute”
- Baba: “Why is that?”
- Hamza: “Cuz she’s a Duran”
- ”Mama” did not find the conversation nearly as amusing as I did.
- **[From October 2009]**
- Safiya: “I know why you forget things so much”
- Me: “Why?”
- Safiya: “Cuz as you get older, your brain gets old and your memory gets bad”
- Me: “Uh, I guess that makes sense”
- Safiya: “Wait, so Ayaan must have the best memory” (Ayaan is 2)
- Me: “I suppose he does”
- Safiya: “And daadi (grandma) probably never remembers anything since she’s so old” (she’s not even 55 yet)
- Me: “Well, she remembers some stuff”
- Safiya: “Baba”
- Me: “Yes?”
- Safiya: “Did they have TV when you were a kid?”
- Me: “I don’t know, I guess my memory isn’t good enough to remember”
- Safiya, looking at her brother: “We’ll have to start remembering things for him”
- Hamza nods in agreement: “Soon he won’t remember anything at all”
